In Actual Fact…

Whilst wondering how to find a job which pays enough to earn my passage away from these shores, I keep coming across job adverts which make those “earn £500 a week or more driving a bus” stickers on the sides of big red vehicles sound very attractive:

For example:

“A highly motivated applicant is required for the Uro-oncology group. This post will involve novel research into tumour markers that may be used to predict disease behaviour in clinical prostate cancer.

Techniques that will be used include laser capture micro-dissection, microscopy, RNA extraction and amplification and real time PCR. A good understanding of molecular biology and laboratory techniques is essential. Prior experience in bench molecular biology and/or use of micro-dissection and microscopy is highly desirable.”

“Laser capture micro-dissection?” That all sounds very high-tech. No wonder the starting salary is £16,684 pa.

There really is nothing like driving along the M74 somewhere vaguely near Lockerbie at 2 am and having the fuel distributor computer decide it’s going to shut off the engine. Especially if there’s a car 18 inches behind you doing 100 (or so) mph (not that I’d ever drive 30 mph above the speed limit just to compete with some arse in a souped-up Renault Clio…. No sir.

….Remember to turn your mobile phone off at night, or you’ll be woken by a text message offering you 900 Rupees per month off your phone bill at 4:30 in the morning.

That is all. I’m going back to bed now to catch up on sleep.

Blatantly pulled from the boing boing feed, the new USAF motto: “Über alles” - okay, they have a point and the F22 is very, very nice. But there should be a slogan-maker looking for a new job, oder?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new entrant in the ‘most pathetic marketing blurb’ competition of 2008!

This one has the makings of a true winner and is going to prove hard to beat - not only because it’s from California, the home of the weird - but also that it has a swathe of strange, but somehow exotically European vowels in the company name: Jāsön - not quite up there with Häagen-Dazs, but not really quite as tasty, either, despite the promise of rosewater goodness.

Of course, the way that the word “organic” is used to market products, one could almost think that anthing “non-organic” i.e. 30% of the contents of this shampoo, was evil, toxic filth. Thank goodness they probably just mean H20, the shampoo’s largest single constituent ingredient.

Song playing as this was published: Goldfrapp : Little Bird

After being away from Britain for some time, remembering only warm summer days, lazing, drinking fresh lemonade whilst watching cricket, it may come as a surprise to learn that “as a result of climate change*” it now rains in Britain. And sometimes there’s even stormy weather.

Obviously, it was not always thus: one need only look at the antiquated graphics that the BBC’s weather department use which still insist upon showing Britain as a desert or listen to the tones of incredulity as forecasters predict that it will be turning colder next week and “there might even be some snow over the Scottish Highlands” to realise that this is a new state of affairs.

Thankfully it will soon be April and then there’ll be a hosepipe ban because of the impending drought. But if you ever move back to the UK - you might be surprised that the advice is: “Bring a brolly.”

* Nowadays, everything is a result of climate change: “Scientists have said that average temperatures being lower in January than in June is a result of climate change.”

Song playing as this was published: The Wannadies : You And Me Song